Sprouting a life

I haven’t written a post in ages and why I honestly don’t know.

I need to write my brain is everywhere, it’s a mess! I have never felt this urge before so strong, the urge to change my life change everything about me. Start fresh its true that every 7 years you change, and between 20-22 you change the most and maybe this is why im feeling the pull this urge to change my life.

I’ve been reading a lot of books recently, true stories of abuse and books that really make you re-evaluate your life. “What are you doing here?” “What are you doing with your life?” “Who are you?”  these are just a few question I ask myself on a daily basis, and “why”  you may ask why I ask myself these questions like I’m asking them to someone else, the answer is because it’s the inner me talking to the outer me, the way I’m leading my life currently isn’t the true me. I’m living life as a straight 20-year-old with a confused dress sense that deals with shit way bigger than anyone can imagine.

A couple of days ago I thought enough is enough I can’t carry on like this, I wrote a letter to my consultant telling them what I NEED and WANT out of my care and what I feel is best after all I’m a mentally stable adult who can make her own decisions in life! I joined a dating site to find some women after all I am GAY!!  over the past few months my dress sense has been changing it’s becoming more me, embracing who I am, I guess the next step would be to come out to family but that I’m not ready for quite yet, hints have been getting dropped who when the bomb shell does come it wont be such a surprise.

Many things in my life are out of my control, there is nothing one can do about that. But how I choose to live my life is down to me, how and when I come out is down to me and who I date is also down to me and no-one else!!

So many people seem to forget that, many thing are out of your control yet how you live your life is entirely down to YOU never forget that.

 

This post may not have any conclusion but damn it feels good to write and spout of ones rambles.

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